Joey is 8 years old, with hyperactive tendencies and speech problems. He speaks quickly and is difficult to understand. Often uncontrollable, reprimands for his behavior were constant and usually inconsistent. Watching the family process was exhausting even if I was not participating in it.
Most recently however, I had a unique experience with Joey. While visiting family, Joey and his mom arrived. This time, Joey was different. He was calmer and his speech was much clearer. He asked if he and I could play the game WII together. I was happy to oblige. We decided to try our hands at bowling.
Joey and I had two great games. We high-five-d one another for a strike or a spare and laughed through our bad throws. All in all, Joey was a joy to bowl with.
And then a funny thing happened. “Mom, can I have a candy? I did not have any dessert at lunch.” His mom consented with little thought, and Joey ran to get his Halloween bag. He pulled out a small chocolate bar and within seconds it was devoured. I watched as he eyed his mother’s awareness and slyly pulled out another. That one quickly disappeared. Nothing was said, so Joey continued to devour one candy after another.
Somewhere between a Twix and a Skiddles, he approached his uncle with a large yellow envelope and asked if he would donate to his school. “Where is my money going?” asked Uncle Bill.
He looked to his mother for an explanation. “Joey’s school is collecting money to help find a cure for childhood diabetes.” I managed to keep my mouth shut as the plot unfolded.
Candy continued to flow as denial and pretense filled the room. Not a word was spoken. It did not take long for Joey’s behavior to deteriorate. He became unruly, his ability to communicate was clearly out the window; Joey was not fun any more. The next words I remember coming from his mother’s lips were, “you need a time out”. What Joey really needed was an understanding of how food affects one’s behavior. One candy was more than enough for Joey’s sensitive little body.
I could not help but wonder if Joey’s behavior and speech might improve dramatically if he was fed a healthy diet filled with fresh organic foods, free of artificial colors, preservatives and caffeine. I thought it sad that Joey and his family may never have the opportunity to find out.
Should I have spoken up? The family is quite aware of my beliefs. I have learned not to jump into another’s space unless asked. Until then, I will continue to remain aware of my own judgements that obviously still need my constant attention.
- Linda Wojcik, Nutritional Kinesiologist, Spiritual Intuitive, Flower Practitioner
- Appointments in Danielson and N Stonington CT, and via Skype, FaceTime and telephone - 1/2 hour session $30.00 US.
8 comments:
Ohhh!!! soooooo familiar a scene! Should we speak up? In the same dilemma and so often! And the parents get offended when a caution signal is gently mentioned by a 'concerned' well-wisher, even if she happens to be a grandmother of the child!
Got to applaud you for your strength to hold back, and not blurt out sensible advice. Feel very bad when solutions are at hand (especially for children and doable stuff)and intervention is not welcomed or recommended. Oh so very unfortunate state. It's discomforting in the stomach although i know you are right.
Is this how we need to practice healing ourselves - like watching a toddler taking it's early baby steps or a child learning to ride the bicycle!! Allow others to find/discover and know stuff, by themselves?
Thank you so much for your comments. Deciding what is the correct path for ourself is our own dilemma to figure out. Since I was not the grandmother, simply a family friend who has watched the chocolate/sugar addictions of this entire family, I have learned my wisdom is not welcome. It makes everyone uncomfortable. So instead I watch and write about it hoping to teach others who are ready and willing to learn a new way of being. Had I been the grandmother, it may have been a different story. For my own family, I have learned to offer advice and suggestions and then let go. Even my children, who have been brought up with this alternative way of life, have a need to take their own baby steps when it comes to parenting. I allow them that privilege... once my knowledge has spoken of course! :)
Thank you! :):) Looks like Vervain and Vine and Red chestnut are waiting in the wings for me to notice!! Appreciate your prompt reply and sharing your wisdom as usual. Heartfelt thanks!! Will keep reading other posts for further understanding and healing.
A couple of days after seeing your reply, i came across this apt quote of Jenni Young,
"You will have a lot more time and energy to spend on yourself when you stop worrying and wasting time on how others need to change" My dilemma got resolved!!Wished to share this with you.
We are being guided every step of the way... Thanks for sharing!
hi!
this article is an eye-opener for me!
firstly,i was clueless (probably like most people)and did not connect the child's behaviour to food (candies, artificial flavouring)!!!
secondly,amazed at your self-restraint in offering good advice in this instance!
next,puzzled and interested to know what makes one jump in to suggest unsolicited advice and solutions!!
can you help to explain this need to do so and how to resolve the dilemma as you aptly put it! is it due to ignorance/lack of clarity?
thank you.
Thank you for writing. It has taken me years of healing my recognize and own my own judgments and criticisms before I had the full restraint to allow others their space. I am always happy to share my knowledge, experience and my lack thereof at times when invited in. I have learned that if I am not invited in, my thoughts and advice may not be welcomed. We are all on our own healing journey. Some will take more time than others. There really is no rush and I don't believe the universe (god, angels) judge us at all. We are pretty good at doing that ourselves. Instead, I use that energy to show gratitude that I am where I am in my own healing with much more to learn along the way.
hi!
glad to see your reply. thanks for explaining so well.
feeling a lot more relieved hearing that we have a lifetime to learn to heal ourselves!!! and each one would do it at their pace.
this now helps me to detach and stand a little apart, not rush in to help solve others' problems or feel guilty for not giving more or not involving myself because they expect me to do so. it has certainly helped to reduce my concern about others.
likewise, i understand now that 'my expectations' and 'my disappointments' with others is truly unwarranted and baseless! apparently everything lies in the eye of the beholder!
as a first step, i hope to watch out and curb my own thoughts of criticisms and judgements and observe my emotions! It's going to be a long, long process indeed!!!
thank you once again. hope you will continue to share your knowledge and wisdom.
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