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Practicing Letting Go Confidently

A client recently shared a very powerful lesson regarding her family's healing journey.  We have been working together for 8 years; I know that because we started when she was pregnant for her one and only sensitive child.  Reading her story reminded me that healing takes time, energy and patience and is well worth the effort we put into each step we take. 

Here are one mom's powerful words of wisdom that can teach us the importance of being flexible, understanding and finally, learning to love what our children have come to teach us:

"The Kid has been running hot and cold on piano lessons, which he started in September. I’d like to think I know my kid pretty well, and what I was seeing certainly fit his personality. Because of his fear of failure, every time things didn’t go exactly his way, he’d want to quit. Whether it was getting spoken to for being too silly in group or comparing his skill level to other kids in the class, it didn’t take much to throw The Kid off. He’s become a master at hiding from his Truth.

"This week, The Kid was convinced he wanted to quit (again) … until after the lesson. He bounded into the car, said he wanted to finish the whole year and that he would stay for the movement part next time. Completely unprompted … though I’d like to think it had something to do with the talk we had on the car ride over.

"I told him that I would like to see him stick with it b/c he’s made so much progress and that I can tell he likes it when he chooses to practice on his own and goes around singing the songs … obviously! I told him I wanted to see him stick with something he loves long enough to feel successful without his fear getting in the way.

"But then I also told him about how I quit lots of things in my childhood — organ lessons, cello lessons, ballet lessons, Brownies — and my parents supported me in this, after they made sure I gave it a try. I never regretted any of my decisions, because those weren’t my “things” but that I was glad that Grandmum and Grandpa let me try things so that I could find what I loved (which turned out to be art club in middle school).

"Then finally, I told him that it didn’t matter to me if he quit or not, that I would love him no matter what, whether he chose to succeed, fail, quit — as long as he was confident in his choice. But I didn’t want him to tell me in a few weeks that he wished he stuck with it. My job is to support him in his choices, help him find things he loves and give him all he needs to succeed and go further in those things. But that it is his life and his choices to make. He needed to make the choices best for him, not me, because it is his life.
"The Kid is working on forgiving himself for past decisions he’s made that weren’t based on his Truth, and having the confidence to know the Truth and make decisions based on that. So hearing his voice when he came out of piano that day, strong and sure, warmed my heart (and incidentally made my week-long stomachache go away).
"I know it helped that it was a good practice week and he went in knowing the new song very well. Now that he seems fully committed to piano, its time for me to step up and do my job as primary supporter and make sure that I practice with him daily, so that he’s confident and ready.
"For me, it felt so good to let go of my control. Instead of forcing him to go to piano lessons because I knew his Truth, I was able to guide him to see his Truth and make his choice based on that. What pressure it takes off of me, and what empowerment it gives to him."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

so love someone enough to allow them to be themselves while guiding in the background...