Healthy Parenting 101

Is Every Family Blessed with a Sensitive Child?

2012-01-09T10:14:00.000-08:00

It took awhile before my oldest daughter was able to admit that she had birthed a chemically sensitive child. I sat patiently waiting for that day to arrive.

“Connor was out of control yesterday Mom. He was actually throwing himself on the floor. He reminded me of Joshua when he was that age!”

I was not surprised by Shannon’s comment. Connor and I spent a lot of time together during his week long visits and I was watching his reactions to certain foods. I was hoping that Shannon was finally making peace with the fact that my grandson was following in his Uncle Josh’s footsteps.

It was not easy for Shannon to admit this bit of news. When she was young, Shannon became indignant when our lives were altered to meet her younger brother’s sensitive needs. She refused to understand why she had to “suffer” for her brother’s sensitivities.

Of course, I never thought our lifestyle was the cause of any suffering. Quite the contrary. I thought more of it as a lifestyle that promoted health. Her memories of weird food and unusual cleaners prompted her to pray that her son could avoid his Uncle Joshua’s experiences. I sat back and watched knowing that time would reveal the truth.

“Do you have any idea what caused him to react?” I wondered if she had an explanation for his uncontrollable behavior. I lived through many of those same moments with Uncle Josh.

“The cause was quite obvious. I was cleaning with a Swiffer duster. Connor loves to help, so I gave him one so he could dust the furniture. It did not take long after he finished dusting for his nasty behavior to appear.”

I was impressed that Shannon was ready to face the truth. “What did you do?”

“I gave him a dose of Staphysagria. Within a short time, I had my content little boy back. I’m happy you thought to send it home with us on our last visit!” I was very proud of my daughter and grateful that her brother taught us how to move chemicals quickly through a sensitive little body. I always felt blessed to have a sensitive child. Thirty years later, Shannon is blessed too!

Why does Staphysagria work so well for these personality types? According to The Homeopathy Bible by Ambika Wauters:

“The Staphysagria patient is very sensitive and has violent and passionate outbursts…It is useful for illnesses that have been caused by a person bottling up their anger inside. They… are sensitive to sounds, sights, taste and touch…”

Connor is a Staphysagria child just like his Uncle Josh. Chemicals made Connor angry; Staphysagria helped bring him back to balance.

The main difference between sensitive children and everyone else is the instant affect chemicals have on their physical and emotional bodies. The quick reaction time makes denial almost impossible, alerting us to the poisons nearby. I often wonder what we would have done without Joshua and Connor to help guide us back toward health.

Teaching Success

2011-09-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

The smaller the child the greater the lesson. Connor is almost 20 months old. He has been blessing me with his presence for the past 5 days while his mom was away at a business retreat. We spent many beautiful hours together, and I learned many valuable lessons from him.

First, it is important to understand the responsibility of parenting and grand-parenting. Between the ages of conception and five years old, we, as their caregivers, are influencing the way they will think, speak and act. We have a direct influence on how their brains will be programmed throughout life. Parenting and grand-parenting is a very important charge that requires thoughtful consideration.

Connor clearly showed me how easily I was influencing him the other day. This is what I realized:

While reading one of his (and my) favorite books, If You Give a Pig a Party, we came to the page where all the animal friends are riding on bumper cars. Connor easily pointed out Pig and Moose, Dog and Kitty. He knew all of them well. For some reason, he had a problem relating to Fox. When he heard me say, “Where is Fox,” he was unable to remember who he was thereby pointing to the wrong animal friend. I was programmed to respond with a smile, “No.. that is not Fox!”

It did not take long to recognize a problem. By the second reading, when I asked, “Where is Fox,” Connor showed signs of nervousness. More importantly, when I gave my usual reply, Connor felt upset with himself. Had he done something wrong? Did he fail? Of course, he did not literally speak those words; however, his body language spoke them clearly that he felt disappointed in his inability to perform properly.

With this information at my disposal, I decided to change my approach to teaching. The next time we read, “If You Give a Pig a Party,” and we came across the bumper car page, I asked my usual question, “Where is Fox?” As soon as I felt his energy shifting toward nervousness, I cautiously moved my finger next to Fox. Connor immediately took notice and proudly pointed right at Fox! My reply was, “Yes, that is Fox!” Connor’s big smile confirmed the importance of that moment. As he was learning to recognize Fox, he was also learning the feeling of confidence!

This moment made me realize how early we are programming our babies to feel failure and disappointment. My intention was to teach Connor who Fox was without any negativity attached to it. If I had not felt his feelings while we were reading, I may have continued to unconsciously teach him these emotions. Although not my intention, it may very well have been the outcome.

I will continue to listen to Connor’s energetic shifts to help me learn healthy grand-parenting techniques. Every lesson he shares helps me become a more insightful teacher.

A Pain in Shan's Back

2011-03-10T00:27:00.000-08:00

After arriving into Montserrat, the first thing I do is contact my children. I reached Shan via Skype on Thursday to find out she was in terrible back pain. “My back went out”, she informed me. “I’ve been in pain since Monday.”

“Do you want to know why it went out?” I asked.

“Okay”, she replied. I could feel the reluctance in her voice not understanding why she waited so long to ask for help. And even now I realized she still had not asked. I questioned myself whether I should offer; however, the mother in me could not help herself. No matter the age, a mother is always read to kiss those boo-boos away. We just do it differently as they get older!

Her ‘reading’ revealed that this energy actually went back to Saturday morning. And I remembered that we had spoken Saturday morning. She was in California setting up a major booth for a major trade show. It was her first BIG show and Shan’s fears were coming through. “Would it be good enough? Would her work be judged or even worse, would she disappoint those she worked with?”

Shan is a wonderful employee, as she is equally a wonderful mom. Whatever she does, she does wholeheartedly and responsibly. She has to - she is an Agrimony! And as with all Agrimony’s, they forget sometimes to simply love what they are doing. Shan is no exception to this rule.

Instead of loving what she had done, she began to surround herself in fear. These fears were connected to failure, mistakes and rejection. Shan was connected to all of them. It is these types of fears that settle in the space they are most comfortable; the gall bladder. And as with any gall bladder that is surrounded in fear, this energy can reveal itself as a deep pain in the lower back.

Once exposed for what it was, Shan noticed an immediate shift. “My back is already beginning to feel better.” That made me smile. My kisses were working!

This was a very powerful confirmation. Once recognized for what it really is, the energy is now able to move. We are giving it the attention it is demanding of us and it is responding in a positive way. It is this ability to feel the shift that lets us know we are heading in the right direction. Keep going!

Now that she was connected to the real issue (also known as truth), I had her take 100 drops of Larch to ground her into confidence and self assurance. I also suggested she take one Dandelion every day to help move this energy into the bladder where it could finally be urinated away. Our bodies are perfectly designed to heal.

By the next day, Shan’s back was healing nicely. She was almost pain free. The lesson is a very powerful; one I hope she learns:

It is not important how others feel about who we are and what we do;

however, it is extremely important how we feel about our ‘self’.

Had Shan stepped back the day her work was completed and had she allowed her ‘self’ to know (without a doubt) that she loved what she had accomplished, the energy in her body would have floated in love. Instead, she feared how others felt and her body become stuck in fear. Shan’s fear had to settle in the one place fear is most comfortable - the gall bladder.

Pain is simply the absence of love; it lets us know when we are not loving our ‘self’. Pain demands us to return to love. It’s pain-ful to choose anything else.

Pain helps us remember that which we choose to forget.

As we heal, we come to the understanding that we can as easily love as we can fear. These are the choices we must make with every situation we create. The difference being, we are taught so well to fear outwardly instead of love inwardly.

Through my many years of healing, I am learning to teach myself differently and in the process, I am hoping to teach my children as well.

Healing Our Babies Eczema

2011-02-24T04:44:00.000-08:00

Five babies, three with eczema. I was informed, “Many babies have eczema.” Does that make it normal? Not in my world. It did make me wonder, however, why 3 out of 5 babies had developed eczema. The three young mothers all complained they tried every ointment available to no avail. They seemed resigned to the fact that eczema was inevitable.

The eczema rash is red and raised. It is often itchy and sometimes oozing. It can also be dry and flaking. It is forever changing. It appears in different places on different children. Sometimes it may begin to fade, only to reappear red and irritated.

Connor’s eczema revealed itself first on his face and eventually spread to his back. Connor’s rash would not allow us to deny it; we were forced to look at it every moment.

The two other babies’ eczema manifested behind their knees. This clearly spoke of yeast. Yeast likes warm and moist places. Is eczema simply a symptom of yeast? If yeast likes warm and moist, why did Connor’s yeast reveal itself on his face and back? So I began to think about yeast and babies.

What causes yeast? Digestive issues are definitely a cause as well as severe trauma, x-rays, and overuse of antibiotics; and if a mother has yeast when carrying and birthing the baby, the chances are increased that the baby will have yeast too.

Connor was admitted to ICU an hour after his birth due to trouble breathing at Denver’s high altitudes. The trauma of that experience could very well have created yeast. Although I am not privy to all that went on in ICU, I imagine drugs and x-rays were part of the normal ICU process. So Connor’s chance of being full of yeast were greatly increased by this early trauma in life.

Why the face? The first three months of life, Connor was attached to an oxygen tank. I understood the necessity. Making sure our baby could breath safely on his own was everyone’s main concern. His breathing tubes were attached to his face with little round tapes. For three months, these tapes held his tubes and damaged his skin all at the same time. So it made sense that yeast would manifest at Connor’s most weakened or damaged spot. From this very spot, it grew and spread, until both cheeks were completely covered with the irritating rash of eczema. Why?

Having Connor stay with me during the holidays for two weeks helped me understand a little more. I was able to watch and learn. I learned a great deal.

“Is there anything new you have introduced into his environment?” I asked. Shan admitted using dryer softening sheets most recently. When she was still an infant she was much more careful about what she introduced into his environment. Funny when they age, we change our behaviors.

Connor liked to rub his face on furniture, new clothing, anything and everything. Rubbing his face on sheets washed with chemicals began a serious reaction. My new couch did not help either. New furniture is full of chemicals and Connor took every opportunity to rub his face on the couch upholstery. I also realized that although we were careful to wash Connor’s new clothing, had we all washed our own? How silly were we! So to help reduce these two irritants, I kept Connor’s face away from the furniture and we washed our new clothing. This helped a little.

Connor’s parents tried all types of creams including the conventional ones. His back would clear up; his face would not. The eczema on the face was persistent, and if they stopped the creams on his back, his eczema reappeared. Maybe a different cream would help. The one that worked immediately and without a doubt was Avalon Vitamin C Antioxidant Cream which is meant to nourish the sensitive skin under the eyes. It nourished Connor’s sensitive face, yet it did not heal the problem.

There is always a cause to a problem, and I believe Connor’s yeast was the cause. However, once a problem is triggered, the world around us (such as chemicals in furniture and clothing) can irritate the condition. Food in no exception. It dawned on me that one of Connor’s favorite food was organic sweet potatoes. He was eating it every day, and yeast LOVES sweet potatoes. We immediately stopped feeding Connor sweet potatoes! I noticed an almost instant improvement.

Next step? Add a probiotic supplement to his bottle right before bedtime. That was easy and it seemed to help even more. Yet it was still not healed.

When the body uses the skin as a detox organ, cleansing the liver and/or spleen is always part of the healing process, and tissue salts fit that bill nicely. They are a favorite of mine for little people. They are safe because they nourish the body on a cellular level. This is what I chose for Connor:

Silicea to cleanse and nourish his skin
Natrum Phos to balance acidity (usually yeast is connected to an acid state in the body)
Nat Mur to help balance digestion
Calc Sulph to cleanse the lymphatic system

Most important, I watched for the emotional aspect attached to his yeast. Rash is always connected to anger, and although babies don’t come with anger, they immediately begin to learn it from each one of us.

Raising a baby and working can be a time of great stress for new parents. It is a time we may get into bad habits of how we treat one another using stress as an excuse to resent, blame and become angry. None of these emotions are attached to love. It is a time we may forget how to love one another.

I now turned my attention to Shan and Jesse. For the past week, I did not feel they were being very loving toward one another, and I noticed how their anger affect Connor’s eczema. If they became angry; Connor’s rash became angry. Our children are a reflection of our self. If they wanted Connor to heal, they had to heal individually as well. If they were not loving each other, they were also not loving Connor in that moment. That was a thought they had not considered.

Neither could deny that they were learning to speak to one another in an unhealthy manner. Neither could deny that they were using blame to continue this behavior. Neither were taking responsibility for their own actions. I wanted to help them become more conscious.

I asked Shan and Jesse to pay closer attention to how they were communicating with one another. Wasn’t it as easy to speak lovingly as it was to speak angrily? I also taught them that every injury, imbalance or pain in a body needs loving attention. So if we look at Connor’s rash with fear, anger, disdain or disgust, it will not help to heal the problem. Practice loving Connor’s rash as you love Connor; it is a part of who he is right now, and the truth is, we love all of him. Connor’s rash did not change the fact that Connor had a beautiful face; Connor is beautiful with or without a rash.

I was very proud of them. They took my advice seriously and began to practice communicating in a more loving and healthy way. Within days, it was evident we were on the right track. Connor’s face was improving quickly. We stopped feeding the yeast, and we remembered to nourish his soul with love.

Consciously Moving Away From Fear

2010-07-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

If we have the ability to recognize fear, would we know what to do with that information? I was given this opportunity most recently as we planned our trip to Tuscany for Josh and Wendy’s wedding.

High season for travel to Italy is in the midst of summer vacation. And because Wendy is a teacher, the most convenient time for their wedding was the first week of July. The cost of airlines tickets was high. Prices were fluctuating from $1,500 to $1,800, way more than we had budgeted for. Would we be able to afford our trip together as a family?

It did not take long for fear to take hold. And with fear comes distorted emotions. Before long, Josh and Hollybeth were bickering over incidental issues. Shan was calling me from Denver, adamant that she and Jesse would not be able to afford the high costs associated with this type of adventure. Fear was turning into anger, and I did not like what I was seeing.

Under “normal” circumstances, I would have jumped right in… judging this or trying to control that. Normal is who I no longer choose to be. I have been working diligently to test my ability to move away from fear and here was my opportunity to see how far I have come.

Instead of meeting their emotions, I stepped back and watched the energy as it was playing out. It became clear that my children were fearful that they would be unable to raise enough money for our trip together. More importantly, I realized the original fear came from the thought of missing out on an opportunity to love and support their brother through his wedding day.

Now that I had information in hand, I chose to express myself free from the fear that surrounded each of them. I wrote the following letter:

Dear Shanny, Josh and Hollybeth…

I am watching each of us travel down the road of “fear of money”, and I feel that our fears are getting in the way of our love of one another. So I am going to move my fears aside in the hopes that you can do the same.

I am ready to express what I am able to do so we can all share in the joy and love of this wonderful opportunity to be together again in Italy. In order for me to do that, I need each of you to express truthfully exactly what your fears are.

Can you think about how much money you are certain to have for this trip and how much you may be able to save before we leave? Can you think about how much money you may need from me and Dad to help you, as well as any other fears or concerns you may have attached to our upcoming adventure?

I would like very much to have all my children together in Tuscany, ready to share our love at Josh and Wendy’s wedding.

Would you join me on my quest to face my fears and move through them so we can just love one another?

Love Mom

And then a funny thing happened. Energy began to move. Josh and Hollybeth immediately forgave one another for their silly misunderstanding. Shan and Jesse found lots of things they had not used in years and could easily turn into money.

Ken and I took care of the rest… and somehow money began to funnel in.. more than enough to take care of all our needs…

A little over 2 months before our planned departure, we found a direct flight from Boston to Rome for $1225.00 per person, a price that now felt like a bargain in comparison. Since we had a party of 5 with a 5-month old to boot, I decided it was time to take the plunge and booked our flights.

As we began to redirect our energy toward being in Italy, fear moved out of the way and creation took over. We were on our way… free of fear and full of love…with memories that will last a lifetime.

My Child is A Reflection of Me …

2010-04-20T04:54:00.000-07:00

I laugh when I hear parents say, “I’m done when they turn 18”. In a spiritual world, we are never ‘done’. We can’t be done. We made a lifetime spiritual commitment with our children. Whatever we do will affect each of us throughout our lifetime together.

Connor, like every soul born unto the Earth, has his own special mission. Shannon is learning to guide him through that mission and not get in the way of it. In order for her to do that, she first must recognize who she has become and what she needs to learn from him.

It did not take long for the journey to begin. At six weeks old, I received the first frantic new-mother phone call. “Connor has a cough, Mom. I don’t know what to do!”

My reply was immediate, “What are you resenting?”

Connor was speaking to his mother through the language of symptoms. And Shan was about to learn what he was trying to tell her.

“Connor’s symptoms are letting you know what you need to change in you. His body is responding to your energetic reactions to a situation. He is your mirror. His cough allows you to look at your self and your own resentments.”

Although Shan is now working from home, she resents having to work at all. She would love to be a stay-at-home mom. So “having to work” is the core of her resentments.

Now that she understood the issue, her next question was, “How do I fix it?”

“Speak truthfully to Connor about your feelings. Make sure he understands that your resentments are not about him. Love your self through the situation presented, and love him through his desire to help you. Then give him a drop of Willow to move the energy that is stuck in his bronchial tubes. And finally give yourself a week’s worth of Willow to help you recognize your own resentments.” Once the energy was honored, Connor’s cough immediately cleared up.

How do we honor energy? First Shan had to recognize the energy for what it was – a choice to be resentful. Her next step was to change the energy by truthfully expressing her feelings.

Children are never too young to hear our truth. And because truth and love are of the same vibration, it is through truth that Connor and Shannon will develop a loving relationship.

Two weeks later, another frantic moment, “Mom, help! Connor started coughing again.”

My reply was the same, “What are you resenting?”

Shan is being given an opportunity to recognize her patterns of behavior through Connor. It was a win-win situation. We played the same game as last time – recognize the resentment, honor it by speaking to Connor truthfully and follow with a little Willow for both of them. The following day Connor was cough free.

Two weeks later, enter round three (do we see a pattern here?): “His cough is back, worse than before!”

I asked Shannon to think about what happened on that Wednesday, two days prior. She admitted to me that Wednesday had been a ‘bad’ day for both she and Connor. Shannon’s resentments were turning into “hating having to work”. Connor’s deep cough was a reflection of Shannon’s hate.

Shannon had to decide where she wanted to focus her energy. She could focus on hating having to work or she could focus on loving that she is able to work from home and be with Connor at the same time.

Shan recognized her resentments, now turning into hate, for the third time (and three just may be a charm). This time however, after her forgiveness talk with Connor, he needed two drops of Holly, which spoke to me about how deep her resentments were stored. Holly energy can manifest as hate in the lungs, and isn’t it funny that Connor had an issue with his lungs only 2 hours after birth. How interesting…

I asked her exactly what it was she wanted to teach Connor, anger or love. She got the point, apologized to him for teaching him her negative behaviors and turned her anger into love toward her baby and her ability to work from home. Connor was cough free later that afternoon.

Our children come to Earth to help us heal. Once we recognize this energy for what it is, we can easily move through it. Connor’s cough is a simple and effective way to get his mother’s full attention.

We affect one another through our thoughts, words, and actions. Children do not come with resentments, guilt, fear or shame; they learn this behavior through us. Can we just as easily teach them love and truth and peace?

My job is to help Shannon recognize the language behind the symptom. Her job is to choose to love her ‘self’ and Connor through it.,

Nurturing a New Mom Back to Health

2010-02-21T04:47:00.000-08:00

At one point during my menopausal years a hormone kicked in that clearly stated: “I am ready to be a grandmother.” My children did not cooperate at that moment, and for years I patiently waited for their hormones to catch up to mine.

My patience paid off, and one memorable day, my daughter announced, “We’re having a baby. Will you be with me for the birth?” I could barely conceal my excitement; I had to make sure I heard her correctly.

“You want me with you in the birthing room?”

“Yes Mom. I don’t think I could do it without you.”

And in that moment, any pains of our past began to dissipate. Together we had a mission that began immediately.

Shan’s pregnancy with Connor was smooth. Early on she experienced a few days of morning sickness. It was quickly healed when I explained the emotion that is often attached to the nausea. “Morning sickness is usually connected to fear of motherhood.” Shan quickly recognized her thoughts and healed her fears. One thing she was not afraid to be was a good mom.

Pain was a different story. Her connection to “fear of pain” would not allow Shan’s labor to be quite as graceful as her pregnancy.

Early contractions began a week past her due date. Four days later, they were consistently 20 seconds apart. Sleep was a memory of the past, and exhaustion was inevitable. We were back at the hospital for the second time listening to the same story. “She is not ready; go home until hard labor begins.” I could not help but intervene. Something did not feel right; the pains had become stronger but refused to progress any further. I insisted that she was not leaving the hospital until the baby was born. That began a process of intervention which Shan obviously needed.

When all attempts to help her into the next faze of labor failed, she was induced. After a long, painful afternoon followed by three hours of pushing, Connor entered the world, healthy and content. I left mom, dad and baby late that evening knowing our new family was happy and safe.

Early the next morning, everything changed. A few hours after his birth, Connor had twice stopped breathing and was immediately admitted to ICU. Amongst tubes and doctors and nurses, Mom and Dad visited this perfect little being hoping to love him back to health.

This scenario made no sense to me. Connor was healthy and strong. What was the issue? One doctor commented that he was the healthiest baby he had ever seen in ICU.

On his third day of life, Connor was discharged from ICU, connected to a tank of oxygen. Three weeks and a specialist later, his condition was finally diagnosed. Denver babies often have a hard time connecting their brain to the thin air of the mile high city. Connor simply needed a little help until his brain and lungs are able to work together. Eventually, he will be off the oxygen, but for now, it was essential. We all came to peace with this reality.

Once Shan and Connor were home, I realized that I was not there to take care of Shan’s baby at all; I was there to take care of mine. And in the process of doing that, my baby was able to take care of her baby. Shan's traumatized state would not excuse her from a mom’s need to take care of her newborn child. My job was to ensure she maintained her strength by taking care of everything else.

The long list of the “do’s and don’ts of parenting” that accompanied them home from the hospital began to cause great stress for everyone. And the don’ts seemed longer than the do’s. Don’t hold him too long; don’t let him sleep in your bed; don’t this and that to the point that fear was becoming a part of her mothering technique. My advice was simple: “Do what feels good and makes you happy; as long as it is done with love it cannot be wrong.” And from that moment, Shan and Connor settled into a routine of loving being together.

In between the dishes, the laundry, the cooking and cleaning I took time to spend precious moments watching the two of them bond as mother and son. There is a beautiful energy that takes place during those early days of life. Connor learned to feel safe and secure in his mother’s arms, and Shan learned to love nurturing him. I was blessed to witness it all.

As the days went by, the trauma Shan experienced during labor and birth was evident. Her body demanded that she be gentle with her self. With the help of Rescue Remedy, Arnica, magnesium and me, Shannon began to heal.

It was many days before I took Connor into my arms. I was in no hurry. Connor was where he belonged and I loved watching from a distance. Eventually, in the middle of one night, my daughter handed me her precious child. “I’m so tired mom. Will you hold Connor so I can get some sleep?” It was my time to bond with my new grandson. From that moment, Connor and I spent intimate time together somewhere between the hours of 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. It was the happiest part of my day.

I am forever grateful for this wonderful experience shared between a mom and her child.

Halloween Madness

2009-11-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

Joey is 8 years old, with hyperactive tendencies and speech problems. He speaks quickly and is difficult to understand. Often uncontrollable, reprimands for his behavior were constant and usually inconsistent. Watching the family process was exhausting even if I was not participating in it.

Most recently however, I had a unique experience with Joey. While visiting family, Joey and his mom arrived. This time, Joey was different. He was calmer and his speech was much clearer. He asked if he and I could play the game WII together. I was happy to oblige. We decided to try our hands at bowling.

Joey and I had two great games. We high-five-d one another for a strike or a spare and laughed through our bad throws. All in all, Joey was a joy to bowl with.

And then a funny thing happened. “Mom, can I have a candy? I did not have any dessert at lunch.” His mom consented with little thought, and Joey ran to get his Halloween bag. He pulled out a small chocolate bar and within seconds it was devoured. I watched as he eyed his mother’s awareness and slyly pulled out another. That one quickly disappeared. Nothing was said, so Joey continued to devour one candy after another.

Somewhere between a Twix and a Skiddles, he approached his uncle with a large yellow envelope and asked if he would donate to his school. “Where is my money going?” asked Uncle Bill.

He looked to his mother for an explanation. “Joey’s school is collecting money to help find a cure for childhood diabetes.” I managed to keep my mouth shut as the plot unfolded.

Candy continued to flow as denial and pretense filled the room. Not a word was spoken. It did not take long for Joey’s behavior to deteriorate. He became unruly, his ability to communicate was clearly out the window; Joey was not fun any more. The next words I remember coming from his mother’s lips were, “you need a time out”. What Joey really needed was an understanding of how food affects one’s behavior. One candy was more than enough for Joey’s sensitive little body.

I could not help but wonder if Joey’s behavior and speech might improve dramatically if he was fed a healthy diet filled with fresh organic foods, free of artificial colors, preservatives and caffeine. I thought it sad that Joey and his family may never have the opportunity to find out.

Should I have spoken up? The family is quite aware of my beliefs. I have learned not to jump into another’s space unless asked. Until then, I will continue to remain aware of my own judgements that obviously still need my constant attention.

Healing Hollybeth's Fears

2009-11-02T05:21:00.000-08:00

Hollybeth was 3 months old when the phone rang one night. I answered to a nurse on the other end. She wanted to know if we were related to a Wojcik that was taken to the hospital. I knew my husband’s brother was dead. The words she would not speak said it all.

It was 11:00 that night. Hollybeth was sound asleep in her crib. I asked my best friend to stay with her. She wanted to accompany us to the hospital and leave her husband in charge. In my heart I knew it was not the right decision; yet in my traumatized state, I could not make a different choice. I left my baby sleeping.

Three hours later I returned to a screaming, traumatized infant and a babysitter sound asleep on my couch. Twenty four years ago I had no idea of the effects of this type of trauma. It followed her through life… until recently.

Sleeping alone in her room was frightful. For five years she crawled into our bed in the middle of the night without fail. She slept; I lay awake.

As a young child she was attached to my hip (literally). She refused to leave me. She wanted to participate in pajama parties yet her fear of being left would not allow it. I learned to expect the midnight phone call. “Holly needs to go home.” Without a thought, I jumped in the car and brought her home.

Night terrors and sleepwalking were common. Her brother and sister thought them entertaining; I found them traumatizing.

And then it was time to leave for college. I felt she had grown more confident and secure. For 10 days the phone rang day and night with Holly’s tears and frustration. She just wanted to come home. I finally recognized my Aspen daughter.

If only I had learned about flower essences when she was younger! Hollybeth had become an Aspen personality. She had a huge fear of the unknown, of being left alone, a fear of the dark.

It’s funny how our past traumas haunt us. As I watched her moments of fear weave through her life experiences, I was given clues as to the memory cell she had yet to heal. I recognized my little petrified baby in her crib. I could not go back and fix our past, and my constant pleas for forgiveness did not help her move this energy.

And then recently, in yet another moment of her patterned trauma, I had a thought: “Hollybeth, I promise I will never leave you when you need me to be with you.” And in that moment of expressing my truth to her, I felt a weight between us move. I knew I would keep that promise; Hollybeth knew it too. She no longer had to be afraid of being left alone. Mom would never do that to her again.

The words we speak from our heart are powerful healing tools. All we have to do is muster the courage to speak them.

As I left her room that day, I had to ask, “I’m leaving now Hollybeth. You’re not crying, are you?” She laughed. I left for work.

Parenting Can Be A Pain in the Back!

2009-09-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

Recently a client wrote to let me know her back was aching (yet again). It came and went like the wind. And interestingly, in that same letter she was complaining how her son, John, had become a monster (yet again). He had been so sweet and kind and felt like she was back to square one in their relationship.

As I tested her “truth” with each line she wrote, something interesting revealed itself. What I brought to her attention was that John did not start this process. John allowed her to see the process. John was not creating the negativity; he was responding to her negativity.

When John was sweet and kind and she was pain free, she was sweet and kind toward John. When John reverted to monster status, she was in monster status, with impatience and anger toward his every move. Hence, her back ache was simply a reminder that she was angry and John was simply mirroring her own emotional imbalances.

This is a contract we make with our children at the moment of their conception. They agree to come to us reflecting back our moods, our pains, our shortcomings and in that moment of reflection, we have an opportunity to change us. As we change by recognizing our “self”, they change with us. It is a miraculous gift intended to help everyone in the family heal at a very spiritual level.

When we choose to stop blaming our children for our own imbalances and instead use that same energy to change our “self” miracles happen. As I become more happy, content and loving with me, the same becomes true for my children. And this energy has no bearing on their ages or where they live. We affect one another over time and distance. So consciously, if I desire my children to be happy, content and loving, I must become that myself.

As soon as Kathy stopped the blame and took responsibility for her own impatience with John, everything changed. Her back ache disappeared and John settled back into his sweet and loving disposition. The ability to see energy and more importantly change energy is a miracle in itself.

Learning to Love our Children’s Differences

2009-03-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have three children. And I apologize often to my oldest daughter for my lack of parenting skills. Like most parents, my oldest was my guinea pig. I did not mean to screw her up; it happened accidentally.

Shannon was cute and sweet and oh, so smart. So smart, in fact, that we had fluent conversations at 18 months old. She fascinated me. And unconsciously, the more she could do, the more I expected of her. Shan was often way ahead of other children her age, and she worked hard competing with her cousins and peers so she could please me more and more.

What was the outcome of all this competition? She started to recognize that the more she performed, the more proud I became and the more I expected of her. The problem was, Shan could never do enough. No matter how wonderful she was, she wanted to be more wonderful. It was a sick game we were playing.

As she got older, the expectations increased. There were always criticisms and judgments that I forced upon her in what I thought was an effort to help her become who I thought she could be. Our relationship became immersed in criticisms and judgments surrounded by bouts of anger and torment.

No wonder we clashed through life. She was the exact opposite of me and I wanted her to change to meet my expectations. No wonder she lived in disappointments and the feelings of failure. My needs could never be met by her. Because they are my needs, not hers!

Through years of healing together, I one day had this huge realization. Shan is not me. She can never be me; she can only be Shan. What a concept! What took me so long?

And in that moment of realization, I understood that the major difference between me and Shan is that I am a Beech and she is an Agrimony. What does that mean? A Beech is able to see the consequences to their decisions before they make them. An Agrimony, on the other hand, jumps first and then tries to deal with the consequences attached to their decision.

Another major difference is that Beech’s judge and Agrimony’s abuse. At the time I did not recognize my judgments as negative. It was who I had become. I was taught that love was attached to judgment, which of course it’s not. I thought that in order to love Shan I had to judge her. I knew I had to change that belief, but how?

As I recognized our differences more and more, I came to the realization that if I wanted to share in the joys of her life, I had to come to accept and love exactly who she is without any expectation attached to her beautiful Agrimony personality. I also realized that even if her way could never work for me, it somehow always works for her. So why would I want her to change?

As I healed, I could no longer deny that judgment is anger and anger is not love. It was my judgment that always brought out Shannon’s self-abuse, which ultimately turned to abusing me. It was not a pretty picture, but one we had grown accustomed to.

I began to look inwardly and I started to ask myself, “What am I trying to accomplish with my judgments“? My answer came quickly, “I was trying to teach Shan a different way so she could be successful in life.” So why was I not teaching instead of judging?

I immediately apologized to Shannon for all the expectations and judgments I had attached to our relationship. And as we began our new journey, I learned that I was even better at teaching than I was at judging. Wow.. that’s what I came to do.. teach her, not judge her! Our new game was a lot more fun. Shan was learning without judgment and I was no longer being abused.

Through healing together, we have come to understand its okay to love our differences. And that’s the end of this story. Or is it the beginning?

Feeding Our Babies, Naturally

2009-01-12T03:15:00.000-08:00

Can it be in the that in the 21st Century, we are struggling with creating laws that give a woman the right to breastfeed in public? Is it possible that some of us are of the opinion that breastfeeding a child is not a beautiful act of love? Are there still people who believe a woman and her baby should be hidden away in a public restroom when it is time to nurse?

What is it that we are afraid to see? Is a woman's breast so unsightly and disgusting? And is it strange that men can expose their breasts with comfort and freedom, yet women must cover themselves? From what dark ages did this belief come from? And is it time now to change this old belief?

Is a society in which a woman feels any shame or fear to feed her child at the moment her child is hungry an ill founded society? Would we deny anyone the right to eat when hungry? Do our infants have less rights than anyone else?

Throwing women off airplanes or charging them with indecent exposure for the normal act of nursing can no longer be an accepted practice in our country. In the land of the free, isn't it time for mother's to be free to feed their babies?

How I Created the New Working Mother Hours

2008-12-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

A mother’s identity is based on many aspects. We define ourselves by our families, our co-workers and our friendships. At one time, the family was a huge part of our identity. We were a mother, a wife, a partner, a friend.

Over the past 20 years, we have watched the shift from the family life maintaining 50% of our identity to a mere 5%.Our new identities are based upon how we are viewed by the outside world, more specifically, who are we in the workplace? How does our boss and co-workers feel about us? In order to validate our existence within these new barriers or confines, we have shifted our 50% mother energy into 50% worker bee energy. Little time or energy is left to give care to our family needs as well as the needs of the self.The American households with full time working mothers are now contributing a mere 5% of their energy to their role as Mom.

When we are at home, we are busy getting ready for work, getting ready for dinner and finally getting the children off to school and bed. Weekends are spent catching up on what we could have or should have done but did not have the time to do during the week The question becomes, “Is this what I choose in life?”

I have been gifted with the insight of knowing that to be truly happy I had to learn to balance my worker and mother energy more equally. I loved the jobs I created for myself, but I did not love missing the opportunity to be a part of my children’s lives. I did not want to be away from them more than I was with them.

My oldest daughter is now 30 years old. Prior to her birth, I had worked my way up to an Administrative secretary position to the director of Personnel, Administration and Labor Relations for the State of Rhode Island. He had a top level job and I was his right hand person. I supervised three secretaries and worked closely with him to ensure each division’s effectiveness for the state. I loved the job I created.After becoming pregnant, however, I had this secret desire to work part time after my baby was born. I wanted to spend more time with her than away from her, but my fear of discussing this possibility with my boss kept me from pursuing my desire.And then came the day when my pregnancy leave was official.

I knew that my boss was nervous about my 3 month departure. But we both knew that my baby was taking precedence over my job. When I entered his office to say my good-by’s, I casually mentioned my desire to work part time. He turned and asked what that meant? I told him I would be more than happy to come back to work sooner with limitations. I could be back two weeks after delivery if he agreed to let me work one day a week. From there, I would be willing to slowly work my way back up to twice a week and finally 3 times a week.Before I left his office, the paperwork was signed, sealed and delivered. And so began my first part time job with benefits. Often times he would ask, “When are you coming back full time?”My reply was always the same, “I’m not. It’s important for me to be home with my children.” He finally adjusted to this new reality.

I maintained a 3-day work schedule until I chose to leave state service to open my own business. That choice was also a conscious one that ensured even more time with my children.We opened our first health food store right after Josh was born. Shan, Josh and Holly Beth were brought up in the store. They spent hours learning how to rearrange shelves; I spent hours putting them back. When they were old enough to go to school, the bus dropped them off at the front door of the store. The smile on my face confirmed the joy of having them with me.

Did we have to sacrifice in order to create this reality? Yes. Our lives lacked new cars and fancy furniture and we shopped at discount stores. However, the ability to share in their stories and watch them grow far outweighed any material losses we may have encountered. We loved being together.

Eventually, the stresses of owning our own business took its toll and I opted to enter the world of corporate mentality. Interviewing for a full time job with the intention of not taking one is tricky business. After the initial interview and passing all the “tests”, I was offered the position. But I had to decline. Instead I made the following counter-offer: I could work 9-3 each day because I had to be home in the morning for the children to get on the bus and back in the afternoon to share their day. But while there, I promised to give 8 hours of work for 6-hours of pay. I would take no breaks, no lunch, no phone calls, just an honest commitment of hard work. They took my offer. I lived up to my promise.

For the second time in my life, I was given the opportunity to create a job that fit my own needs. My mother and my work identity were in balance. I had time to create a healthy home life as well as a successful career.

Why was I able to create this reality? Two reasons - first, I had skills that were needed by my employers. Second, I assumed I was entitled to my desires. So I simply asked. How will we get what we want if we don’t ask for it?I know that I was successful because I was happy in my job and in my home.

What we as women have to realize is that we can have both. There is a power in knowing. You just have to know exactly what it is that you desire and then not be afraid to ask for it.

Surviving the Teen Drinking Years

2008-12-04T16:17:00.000-08:00

To Drink or Not to Drink, Is that the Question?

I am a mother who survived the teen years of experimentation and confrontation. Often they were the same issues I struggled with many years ago. How do we deal with teenagers who make choices we may not agree with? My experiences taught me there is no right or wrong way to do anything. There are unique circumstances and individual personalities asking for our attention and guidance.

As my children entered the teen years, I was reminded about my own high school experiences of long ago. I was a confusion of two personalities. One personality studied hard to receive an education that would serve me in the future; the other personality partied hard which served my teenage mentality. Sometimes I look back and wonder, “How did I survive?” My father was a strict Italian who believed in strict curfews. A minute past his time limit meant another evening within the confines of my room. Because of this rigid mentality, my friends and I often raced home at ungodly speeds to try and beat the curfew game, often without success. The little communication between the two of us was often harsh as he tried to force his will upon me. However, the force of my own will far outweighed his and our patterns of abuse continued.

In those days of old, the policemen ensured our safety by taking us back to our parents to be dealt with. I was harshly reprimanded and forced to feel ashamed of myself. Still it did not hinder me from experimenting as I tried to learn more and more about who I may one day become.

From my teenage experiences and no formal parenting guidelines, I practiced parenting with my own children. These were the techniques I chose from memories of my past.I chose to never force a curfew upon my children for fear they too would have to speed home to meet my demands. Instead, as a family we discussed each request, and somehow mutually agreed upon a time that served both our needs. I also asked that if they could not meet our agreed upon time, they would never speed home but instead call me and the time would be adjusted. It saved me many nights of fear and worry and managed to keep them safe.

Having partied myself, I reasoned that at some point in their teenage years, they too might choose to experiment with alcohol. I could put the fear of God into them by insisting that I better never find out they were partiers. This scenario would keep me out of the loop and in the dark as to what was going on in their lives. My other thought was to tell them truthfully that I too was once a teenager, so I understood the choices that would confront them. I shared my experiences and when they asked me the tough questions, I chose not to lie. Instead I looked them in the face and told them the truth. My reasoning was simple. If I wanted to hear their truths, I first must share my own.

Knowing that my most important job was to ensure their safety, I made a deal with them. If at any point in their lives they chose to drink, I asked they call me no matter the time of night, and simply say they decided to stay put where they were. In that moment, I knew they were drinking, and they made a decision not to drive. I lived up to my deal and responded, “Ok, I’ll see you in the morning.” I could then sleep peacefully, knowing they made a choice to honor my request which ensured not only their safety but the safety of those with them.Once giving them an opportunity to be truthful with me and themselves, it was not often that I received that phone call, but I was always proud of them when I did. To me, they made the intelligent, mature choice to be safe.

Would a more intelligent and mature choice be to not drink at all? Can our teenage children avoid all the vices we have created in our world? Maybe, but I would have to assume for my children to be perfect I would have to be perfect myself; and truthfully, that is not the case. So if I cannot be perfect, how can I pass judgment on a younger individual, who has neither my experiences nor my wisdom, to be perfect?

I am grateful every day that my children survived their teen years; I cannot say the same of some of their classmates. Each time a classmate was killed for drinking and driving or speeding home to meet a curfew, I prayed that my children learned these lessons well: drinking, driving and speeding had no place behind the wheel. I felt my choices to try and keep them safe were the right choices for my family.

Today, I am proud of the adults they have become. Often they fumbled through their high school years, making many mistakes along the way. It was my job to pick them up with the intent of guiding them in a new and better direction. From my own experiences I learned that I could not force my will upon them. What I could do was honestly share of myself, allowing them the opportunity to do the same. I chose not to judge, but accept them as the imperfect teenagers they were.

Each of us as parents have to choose what is best for our individual family. What feels good for me may not feel good for you. That’s because you did not have the same experiences I did as a teenager. And that’s okay. What’s important is realizing that we each have to live with the choices we make for our children. As I look back, I would not have chosen any other way.

Melamine Poison in Our Baby Formulas

2008-12-04T16:12:00.000-08:00

How Much Poison is Too Much for My Baby?That is the question I would ask if I were a mother of an infant in a world filled with poisons. How much poison would I allow my child to consume? The answer to that question is easy…none. However, in a world filled with poisons in our food and our environment (and now in our baby formulas – good grief!) it is not easy to avoid them. It takes time and commitment.

I was blessed with a chemically sensitive child who today is 26 years old. Raising the safety threshold for melamine in infant formulas is reminiscent of the time Joshua was in second grade. It was September and each day he came home from school with fierce and explosive behaviors. His uncontrollable rages often ended with spending yet another afternoon alone in his room. Hours later, his behavior subsided and he was able to rejoin our family without incidence.Recognizing that he was free of this behavior on weekends and mornings, I came to the realization that something in school was aggravating his symptoms. Were they painting? New rugs? Did the classrooms have an odor? Could he smell anything? Josh’s responses were always the same, “No, mom. I don’t know where it’s coming from.”

Into the second week of his abusive behaviors, a single statement solved his problem. “Mom, the water at school tastes funny.” My response was clear, “Stop drinking the water!”The following day he arrived at school armed with a bottle of spring water (which was not socially accepted at that time) and a note for his teacher. When I approached her the following week to explain my behavior, she confirmed my suspicions, “No need to explain,” she said. “Since you took Josh off the water, not only has his behavior improved, but his grades have gone up.”

The interesting part of this story is that in December of that same year, the water company notified its customers that there had been a chemical spill in one of their wells. No need to worry, however, the problem was solved. They raised the allowable levels of that particular chemical in our water supply.Maybe all children were not affected by that water; but Joshua was not like all children. Chemicals affected him greatly. Luckily Josh had an acute sense of taste and smell, which became his greatest allies.

And maybe not all children will be affected by melamine poisoning. However, if your child is like Joshua, will you be conscious enough to recognize it? And then, what will you do about it?